Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he thought i was a dude.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
