Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
