is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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