my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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