I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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