fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
