Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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