she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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