Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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