I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
