I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
