I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
