Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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