What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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