Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
