WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
