My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
