I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
