I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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