doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
