You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
