I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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