I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
