My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
