I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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