Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
