that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
