At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
