If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
