I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
