yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
