she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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