I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
