Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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