What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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