Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
