Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
