how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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