So drunk its hurt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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