I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
