worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
