My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
