I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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