I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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