somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
