i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
