DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My liver just had a heart attack.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my nose is crying tears of wow.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
