I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
