3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
