So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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