What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
