I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I need to wash the frat house off of me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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