i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
