plz talk dirty to me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
