have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
