so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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