Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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